I’ve always been the person who liked to help you out. Sometimes it looked like offering to do the dishes or send that email or watch the kids or book the flight – something to help you out. Sometimes that even looked like helping you finish your sentences/thoughts. (Yeah, an annoying trait, I know.)
But I’ve had some time to reflect on my need to help out – why I do it, what my motives are, etc. And I’ve discovered an interesting thing: I have an underlying need to help out because I want it to get done at my pace, my way and to have the assurance that it will be accomplished.
In other words, I do because I want to see it get done.
Disclaimer: This isn’t the main reason I do things. I genuinely enjoy helping and serving. But that’s the thing about issues, isn’t it? They get muddled in with who we really are, becoming an extension of us, causing us to accept the lies with the truth. It’s quite the conundrum. End of Disclaimer
I made this horrible discovery over the last few days when I found myself wanting to hurry God along with this whole “build the church” thing. We’ve been here almost a month now and in my mind, things need to be happening. We need to set a meeting date; we need to be out dragging people in; we need to find a venue; we need to advertise. The list goes on and on and on.
He doesn’t seem to be in a hurry, though.
And that frustrates me.
I mean, doesn’t He know that we have a church to build?
Every time we have talked to Him about planning things out, He keeps telling us to go about our every day normal lives and He’ll do the rest.
That’s when I made the horrible discovery.
I want to “help Him out” because He isn’t moving fast enough.
Don’t worry. I haven’t actually helped Him out.
I just have to really fight the urge to do it. Just even typing it out right now makes me sick. I actually want to help God out because I think I can do it faster and better. I think His pace is too slow and I could have already had something accomplished by now.
It’s never fun admitting that you have something you need to work on. But being here with a slower pace, and an almost non-existent agenda has triggered another layer of Performance Orientation and even fear of abandonment in me that I am, frankly, not happy about. Thankful for the discovery, but not happy that it needs to be discovered.
So what’s the remedy? Well, first of all a lot of repenting. Then a lot of letting go of my agenda and ideas and timelines and waiting for His agenda, ideas and timelines. And a lot of reminding myself of His track record in my life.
Is it easy?
Yes because ultimately we can’t build this church. We know that. I know that. We do have to wait it out. So technically, that part is easy.
No because the response of my heart in times of pressure is to “Do Something Yesterday.” Therefore, I have to tell that part of my flesh (quite frequently, mind you) to JUST DIE ALREADY WOULD YA?!
Then I remind myself how He has always worked it all out. I remind myself that His timing is always perfect – even if it doesn’t look like my ideal timing. I remind myself that this is His deal, His show and His idea – so He must have a plan. I remind myself that He loves me and we’ll never be too late or too early if we just stick with Him and allow Him to guide us down the right paths.
He told us in His Word way before I ever came into this world. I cling to it. I say it out loud. I write it on my heart and in my mind.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
He’s got it.
I don’t need to help Him out.
(unless He asks – 😉 )