I’m sure you have heard it said, “We all have a story to tell.” I believe that’s true. Your story is uniquely your’s. No other story exists like it. Sure, there may be similarities; maybe you walked the same path as someone else and you find a commonality or a bond because of that shared moment. But no one takes the exact same journey. Each of us has slight variations that make our story, our story.
I’m in the process of writing my story. I started writing it a couple of years ago but honestly, I just didn’t follow through. It scared me. I felt intimidated. I felt pressured. Not by you, mind you. But by myself and my own unrealistic expectations. I had this idea that I needed to write it perfectly (ironic since most of my story is about dealing with perfectionism and performance orientation ::insert eye roll here::). It had to have just the right amount of humor, snarkiness (is that a word? No? I’m making it one!) and obviously, truth. I thought that it had to draw you in, cause you to look at me from a different perspective – maybe a bit of “Wow! Amazing, Mary. Look at what God did in your life.”
Instead, I should have just written my story. No expectations, no pre-conceived notions, no worries about how others perceived me or the journey.
But that’s intimidating, ya know? I’d like say that I’m 100% over worrying about what Man thinks of me, but honestly? It’s still there and I hate it. I know logically that it doesn’t matter as long as I’m right with God and He is pleased with me. Easy to type. Easy to tell others. Harder to believe for myself.
And there, my friends, is the crux of my story.
Fear of Man + Fear of Rejection = one lonely girl who feels the need to be perfect and perform to your expectations.
Obviously not as much now as 10 years ago. THANK. GOD. Still, I battle it to some degree when it’s time to “do” something or “be” something.
SIDENOTE: It all goes back to the garden and that #*$*# devil. If he would’ve just left well-enough alone, but no. He meddled; Eve believed; And here we are.
The truth is, we don’t have to live in that fear. Not only do we have a Father who’s perfect love casts out all fear; but we also have each other, right? We aren’t meant to do this alone. We are meant to walk this journey out in community, in fellowship and in relationship with Him and each other.
Learning to celebrate who I am, where I am, knowing that He is still working on me and that there’s grace for every.little.step.I.take. (Did anyone else just start singing “Every little step I take, you will be there?” Ahhh! 1988 was a good year.) is how I begin. Then, I turn around and do the same thing for you: celebrate who you are, where you are, knowing He is still working on you just like He is working on me.
Community. Relationship. Fellowship.
So this week I’m starting from scratch. New pages. New ink (okay. New Word doc, new typing, you get the picture). I don’t have a deadline. I don’t have a word-count goal. I don’t have an outline. I’m not using my old blog posts because I’m not the same person from that time, nor is my writing style the same. Instead, I’m just going to write my story. And from there, I guess we’ll see what happens.
What’s my story? In a nutshell, my story is about a scared little girl who wanted to feel completely loved just because she was Mary. My story is about the amazing Grace of Papa as He gently guided me, changed me, corrected me and loved me through all of my hurts, frustrations, bad habits and crazy life drama. My story is chocked full of God encounters, amazing relationships, restoration, reconciliation, forgiveness, letting-go’s and new beginnings.
I can’t wait to tell you my story.