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You know, this journey has been a difficult one. Difficult really doesn’t even describe it. When you know that there are things inside of you that cause you to act and react in negative, unhealthy ways, well, it’s time to do something about it.
I think one of the hardest things I’ve ever done is having to admit that I was in need of help beyond my piddly little prayers I threw up to God every time something freaked me out or hurt my feelings.
I hated admitting I needed help.
Hated it.
Because to me that showed a sign of weakness. And I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t dependent on anyone. I could handle anything.
But you know what? I was so dead emotionally, so dead spiritually, so dead mentally.
So.
Dead.
And when I began to submerge myself in a culture that dripped of the Father Heart of God, His unconditional love, inner healing, the importance of forgiveness and the importance of community, something began to happen.
I didn’t even realize it at first.
God started gently tilling up the hard ground around my heart.
He started working the land, loosening up the soil so the rain of His love, forgiveness, peace and joy could water that soil and be pliable for Him to work in.
I won’t sugar-coat it my friends.
Healing hurts.
Period.
It’s a good kind of hurt (seriously, who’s not singing “Hurt So Good” right now? lol).
But it hurts like heck.
It’s so amazing to me how much He loves me and wants me to be whole.
Whole is such a great place to be.
I’m still not there yet, but dang, I’m closer – much closer – than I was.
And I’m learning so much about His truths. I am saturating myself in His truths about me.
He loves me – unconditionally.
He’ll never leave me.
He never withholds His love or affection from me if I’ve messed up.
He doesn’t punish me for making mistakes.
You know what’s scary? I know these things in my head, but I have a hard time believing them in my heart. So I have to constantly tell myself that these are His truths about me. This is how He feels about me.
And one day, one day I’ll believe it with every fiber of my being.
One day soon.







