About Mary Hess

I believe in full circle moments.

I believe that God can work all things together for our good. (Romans 8:28)

I am also a firm believer that we reap what we sow – good, bad or indifferent.  (Galatians 6:7-8)

But when I see God actually do all of these things in my life, it really opens up His Word to me on a whole other level.  It takes what I read on a regular basis and makes it jump off the page and come to life in my own world.

Three years ago I really screwed up.  And it cost me friendships, partnerships and fellowship.  It actually cost my entire family those things.  It was a time of hurt, anger, and bitterness.

All because of my insecurities, fears and inability to see my value in God’s eyes regardless of what value I held in other’s eyes.

So the last three years of my life have been an interesting journey, to say the least.  There have been times of deep introspection, times of deep intercession, times of deep reflection.

That hurts.

Why?  Because in those times, I’ve had to really dig in and figure out what makes me tick.  I had to figure out why I act the way I do in my relationships.

Yeah.  That hurts.

It isn’t fun owning up to things that I do in my life that causes others pain.

It isn’t fun owning up to actions, reactions, words, etc.  that affect others negatively.

But if I’m to grow, then I must change.

So over the last 3 years, I’ve been on a journey to change.

Along the way I would think about that day 3 years ago when I messed things up so much.

In the beginning, I was hurt, mad, crushed, lonely, confused.

After about a year I was just hurt, maybe still a bit mad but God had placed me in a community of believers, so the loneliness and confusion were gone.  I was getting help through prayer ministry and really going after God.  I had friends.  I had people who held me accountable.

After about two years I was still hurt.  But the anger was gone.  I learned about not only truly forgiving others, but forgiving myself.  I even learned about forgiving God.  Yeah.  I forgave God. (Of course He doesn’t need forgiving, but in acting out that step there is some crazy freedom.  I know.  Who knew?!)

Year three rolled around last month.

And quite honestly, I had gotten to a place of perfect contentment in my life as far as friendships were concerned.  I knew I had grown in my life – had done some major changing and overhauling of ungodly beliefs, misconceptions, etc.  But I also knew that I was finding my value and true worth and acceptance in one thing.

I was loved unconditionally by God.

So when I literally ran into one of those old friends a few times and talked with the other on the phone a few times, it was quite evident to me that God had brought me to a different place.

And when those friendships were rekindled – for whatever depth, for whatever length of time, only God knows – I realized just how much He cares about full circle, restoration, reconciliation, love, forgiveness and grace.

Because He does.

A lot.

So today, three years later, I’m thankful to be able to say I learned some valuable lessons.

I’m thankful to say that I am even more grateful for 2nd chances.

Time, love and tenderness – who knew.