I’ve never been one to like pain. Or sweating. Especially when it comes to exercise. I think I may actually be allergic. Seriously. Well, okay. not seriously. But I wish. No. I don’t. Meh.
I wish I could say that I am completely happy with my body – it’s shape, it’s weight, the proportions – all of it. But I’m not quite there yet. I do know I’m much closer than I was 20 years ago. Then again, maybe aging itself lends to becoming comfortable in your own skin.
I’ve written posts on here before about my struggle with weight, with body image, with self-worth. So it’s no secret it has been a struggle of mine since high school.
But I’ve really been asking God to help me take better care of my body – not so that I can be the skinniest or most toned person in the crowd, not for the oohs and ahhhs that I would receive, not even to keep up with everyone else who seems to be better at it, more disciplined with it than I am.
I’ve been asking God to help me take better care of my body because it’s the only one I have. I want my heart to be so healed up from the wounds of peer pressure, Western society’s demands, etc etc that I become perfectly content in my own skin, with my own weight and with my own body shape – because let me tell you, the shape will never change. It’s how I was born. It’s the genetics I’ve inherited. It’s who I am.
So as I’ve been asking God to help me with this, He keeps reminding me that He wants me to be fit, healthy, in shape. But He doesn’t require me to be super skinny or even remotely skinny, nor does He want me to starve myself or deprive myself of the foods I enjoy eating. Instead, all He asks of me is to take care of my body, watch what I eat and do everything in moderation.
He’s asked me to do this for several months now. As is typical of my personality, I’m a “go all in or go home” kind of gal. So He’s having to really work on that part of me – softening it up – so that I am able to do something moderately with no fear of having to be the best or be perfect. He’s not going to reject me because I don’t look a certain way or weigh a certain amount.
That’s a lot easier said than done. But I know it can be done.
So today, even though it’s the holiday season, I am starting to workout regularly and just eat in moderation. I want to keep my body healthy and in shape so that I can live a long life, enjoy activities, travel, spend time with my kids doing active things and sleeping better at night.
I just want to do what He asks and learn to love me for me.
I know this isn’t a struggle for everyone. I also know that there are varying degrees of thought on the whole exercise/watch what you eat camps. I’m not saying one is better than the other. I’m simply trying to listen to Him and listen to my body.
Learning to love the inside as well as the outside.
After all, He already loves me inside and out.
Now it’s time for me to do the same.
Have you ever struggled in this area?
Do you find it hard to incorporate exercise into your daily life?
Do you live to eat or eat to live? Has that ever been an issue?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments or by email!